There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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