we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
