i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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