Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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