cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
