Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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