I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize