Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
