I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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