you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she peed on how many people?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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