All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
thus making me awesome and them whores
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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