I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize