Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I believe in your delicious
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
