Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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