you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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