Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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