my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
True college students do jello shots in the library
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
