just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize