david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
