My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
