My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
