who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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