I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
