why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize