I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
