bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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