can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
