i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
