Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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