He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize