My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
