I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
