she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Every concussion has its silver lining
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
