I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
