I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
