Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
