I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
