Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
