I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
