Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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