I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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