oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
