im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
