the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
