Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
