so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
