why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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