Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My vagina is officially offended.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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