I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
