What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
