dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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