Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
