why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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