But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
