Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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