I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
