Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
