Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
