I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
