im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
