HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
