I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
