I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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