i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You left your underwear on the fireplace
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
