God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i dont even know how to be here
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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